I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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