Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
