The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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