is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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