Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
