is your mom at the bar?
Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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