I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
