I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
