Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I'm sobbing to NWA
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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