i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Sext me about skeletons
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
