Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
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