True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
