Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
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