nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Oh god it's open bar.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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