He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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