sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize