community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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