Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
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