I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
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