don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
