i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
