you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Randomize
