My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
