If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Alive.
So much puke
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
