I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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