it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Randomize
