yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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