Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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