Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
i don't like sucking hair
I met the friendliest cop last night
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Randomize
