if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
