So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
