Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Ladies don't puke and tell
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
