i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
