Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
