Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
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