What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Randomize
