Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
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