A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
