At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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