I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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