I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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