just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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