I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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