I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
We're too hungover to prance.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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