Whod you bang
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Randomize
