Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize