Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Randomize
