good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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