The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
id be glad to
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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