this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
