The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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