I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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