you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Randomize
