The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
