1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
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