I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
