Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
