I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Randomize
