my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
