i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
