I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
only if we run a train.
done.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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