I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
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