But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
