Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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