I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
you win again, gameday.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize