you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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