I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
